Nov. 7. 2008 – Panchakarma – Day 15 – Beyond the Physical
I woke this morning after another night of strange dreams, which I’ve been having for some days now, but never thought to connect them to the panchakarma, even though the doctor mentioned that I may begin cleansing through dreams as well.
But this morning I had an extremely powerful AHA! Moment. I had woken up with the deep need to reread the memoirs I had begun outlining for myself almost 5 years ago. For the past 4 years I have not written a word. I have not felt the inclination to write again over all these past 4 years, and sitting here today, in my room in India, reading the previous entries, has triggered a thought process which may seem overdue, but, as I so well know, is beginning exactly at the time when it should for my Higher Good. It has occurred to me several times over the past years that I really should get back to writing about my journey inward, but I could never seem to find the inspiration to pick up pen and paper.
When I went the clinic this morning the first thing I did was discuss this with the doctor and ask if the detox process of panchakarma goes beyond the physical, and he said “obviously”. He was quite pleased to hear what is happening with me as most of his clients fight this in depth part of the process and prefer to remain purely in the “physical”…this would of course render complete detox impossible, as we are much more than just the physical. He also had some further insights into my unusual situation with the oil enema yesterday. When I left, he began researching, and finally came to the understanding that the oil enema incident and my continued tearing
from my eyes are related – both indicating Vatta imbalance affecting the nervous system, and he will now begin special treatments to deal with this. He says “doctor must always learn from his patients”. Most of his clients are standard type cases of fairly young healthy people who have abused their bodies with poor food, drugs, cigarettes and alchohol. The detox is fairly straightforward and then balance and good health are restored. Mine is a much more interesting case, due to my age, as well as unfinished processes are deeper levels. So a powerful catharsis has begun and panchakarma is the catalyst. I must say that the panchakarma is much different this time than the other two, and I feel like it is the first time I am TRULY doing a complete process.
So, I awoke this morning, and for some reason felt the need to reread what I had previously written, years ago. It was as if I was reading something penned by a stranger, and yet at the same time b someone I knew intimately. An extremely strange perception to say the least.
And then, “out of the blue”, it hit me! I had completed my outline from the beginning of my life up until the period just prior to my divorce – my “past”, which I could clearly evaluate from a distance, with perspective, and write about objectively, almost as an outside observer was easily put to paper. Once I reached the period of the divorce however, the past ended and the present began. I realized that my “present life” began then, which is something I’ve understood for years, for I have obviously been living in this new reality for the past 20+ years.
But the fact that I have not, in all this time, been able to write objectively about this part of my life, took me completely by surprise. A true AHA moment to be sure. To my great astonishment I realized that I have not yet assimilated all these years completely into the essence of my being. I cannot write about them, because I have not yet come to terms with the myriad manifestations and ramifications of the event called divorce. And it seems this is the purpose of this current sojourn in India. Each visit here brings with it a “growth spurt” of the spirit. These are never planned; they just surface as ongoing processes resulting in deep soul searching and eventual cleansing of various residual blockages and toxins – thoughts, emotions, perceptions, etc.
I am sitting here now realizing that the places I’ve been “stuck” in for a long time, are all connected with the enormous process which I have held at bay for all these years. And it seems as if this is what I will be exploring for the next 5 months.
I will leave the details for my personal diary and close friends, but I guess the time has come to begin “vomiting” and perhaps other forms of purging to finally cleanse myself of whatever it is I am still “holding onto”. Things that I have been unable to digest and assimilate and eventually eliminate. These things are still submerged in the murky waters clouded by all the toxins which have yet to be cleared. Writing about the present is always more difficult, but a “present” lasting over 20 years is a bit much! A lot of those years should by now be part of my past as well, but apparently they are still being carried with me each and every day. I imagine they are quite heavy to lug around!!
The day went by quickly since this morning. The first water enema was completed easily and without mishap. In the past, they have always been very difficult, and this time, do to the proper care and very slow preparation of my body for this, this part of the treatment was not unpleasant at all, to my great surprise! But it is very tiring and even I didn’t have doctor’s orders to rest for 5 hours, I couldn’t have done much more than lay around all day. I watched a movie, “My Cousin Vinny”, recommended by my daughter Shlomit, and it was the perfect thing to do on this lazy day, and kept my mind, mostly, off the introspective wanderings of my thoughts following the dramatic morning. I have been scribbling things in my notebook however all day, and an enormous amount of deep understanding, and tears, (real ones) has already occurred.
Reading and listening to music filled the rest of the day, and I will now go out for awhile, post this, eat some dinner and find myself back into bed. And this is mostly what will be for the next 10 days or so.