Personal Insights from the Wedding Adventure
Two issues were tested at this wedding and I past with flying colors:
- My problem with expressing joy outwardly without being embarrassed and worrying about what others may think of me…thereby curtailing most of the fun I could have in most situations
- My tendency to always imagine everything that could possibly go wrong or be difficult in a particular situation involving going someplace, especially spontaneously – outing, trip, unexpected invitation, anything which is not part of my routine activities basically.– thinking of every reason NOT to do something instead of focusing on every good reason to go ahead and simply enjoy. This is particularly strange because on a daily level, I actually do not worry about anything. Most people worry all the time, about the fundamental things in their lives…health, money, children, relationships, a roof over their heads, the car, the dog, their jobs etc. etc. I, on the other hand, NEVER worry about any of this stuff. I have complete FAITH in God and His Universe that I will always be provided with all I need, and never give a thought to the possibility that something “bad” will happen in these fundamental areas of my life. My daily life is completely relaxed and unstressed, I flow with whatever comes my way, believe that whatever happens is exactly what should be happening for my Higher Good, I sleep well, never concern myself with all the things which seem to keep other people continually occupied with the “what ifs” of their lives, and seems to keep them in a state of constant stress and tension…all to no good purpose. So this “thing” of mine with dealing with these small, pretty much insignificant events in my life, has always been confusing, and most annoying to say the least. It is the main reason why I have not done any significant traveling around India (except for my first visit), and why I basically stay put in one place, in my routine. Perhaps this too will be changing…and that would be great fun for me-something to look forward to,
So, just exactly how I found myself dancing away on the dance floor at this Indian wedding, a type of dancing I had never done before, or imagined myself ever doing?
Well, let me first
explain about this dancing which is more or less dancing to bollywood movie songs and everyone seems to know all the steps from the dance routines in the movies. In a way similar to Israeli folkdancing which I have been dancing for over 30 years. Just about every song on the Israeli hit parade, and many not there, seems to become a new dance which is taught in folkdancing classes and danced all over the country, and even around the world.
Just like in Israeli folkdancing, where there are classic dances which the general population usually know, and newer dances which only those who attend regular classes can keep up with –so it seems in India as well. Older classic movie dances, even the old people were up and dancing. When the newer ones came on, people began to leave the dance floor until only young men were left gyrating and moving and jumping and completely enjoying themselves with all the others around watching and clapping.
And then me: Just like those people who sometimes find their way to an Israeli dance class, either going together to watch a friend for the first time, or tourists going to see what it is like, not knowing one stop of any of the dances. They actually look quite silly (as I am completely certain I did at the Indian wedding while dancing), trying to follow the other dancers and always being just one step behind or moving in the wrong direction, jumping to the music with no idea whatsoever of what they are really supposed to be doing…but they don’t care less as they are having so much fun. I always envied them their ability to do this and so clearly enjoy the moment without a thought as to what they look like or what people may be thinking or saying about them.
At the wedding, I WAS ONE OF THEM! COMPLETELY FREE AND JOYFULLY DANCING.. And it was amazing, pure, unadulterated joy and I could tell from the looks of those around me that I DID look silly (and I didn’t care-even laughed at myself together with them), but they were so happy with me and even “danced” with me, and invited me further into the “action”.
As for the second issue of worry and fussing and being totally stressed out prior to each and every thing which required what I thought was intense preparation and consideration..well.
I made no special preparations
Took no water, food, first aid (just in case), no extra shoes, socks, warm clothing etc., etc., etc. Just me, my camera and my shawl. Like every other normal person attending.
No worry about getting cold, or hungry or thirsty,
No worry about how I will get back or perhaps everyone will leave without me etc.
And in the end…I wasn’t cold, wasn’t hungry, wasn’t thirsty, my feet didn’t hurt, I simply enjoyed.
And when 2 hours became 4, and the others seemed as if they would be there the entire nite just eating and having fun down in the eating area, I decided to take up the offer of a friend to return home, close to midnight (still 4 hours after arriving), by scooter. And this again without second guessing myself about how this would be possibly, with the freezing night air, on an open motorbike, with no jacket, no warm pants, no hat and what would happen to my joints, and would I catch a cold and be sorry I didn’t wait for the jeep, etc.
Just got on the bike, tied my dupatta (light silky scarf that comes with the outfit I was wearing) tightly around my head as I see the Indian ladies doing, wrapped by shawl around my shoulders and tied it, and hopped on. I imagined my self surrounded by warm tropic air, asked archangel Michael to warm us and keep us safe, and happily drove off with my friend.
The night was very dark, his lights very poor, the rode FULL of busses and trucks passing both left and right, dust, cold wind, potholes, bumps in the road, swerving left and right, everything that should have made this a nightmare…and to my great surprise I found myself completely relaxed and even talking to my friend during the trip, despite the real cold we were both feeling. But it was as if the cold was there, but not getting “into” me in any way. I knew it was cold but didn’t actually feel it as part of my experience.
When I got home finally, I was completely at peace, proud of myself, feeling pure bliss, but I must say that I now know the meaning of “frozen stiff”. I could hardly straighten out enough to get off the bike, but once up in my room, under the covers, in 5 minutes I was completely warm and cozy, and woke feeling wonderful in the morning…no joint pain, no cold, nothing.
Since that day, I also find myself not suffering from the cold as I always had expected myself to, and so did, everywhere I went. I no longer lug around an extra shawl and sweater, and find myself sitting still in short sleeve light weight clothes like many people I see about, and not all bundled up as I usually am. And I enjoy the pleasure of the lovely cool air on my bare skin. Another newfound pleasure.
I realize now that all my years of worrying about all the unpleasant things that “might” happen – always imagining every “worst case” scenario – is what actually DID cause these things to happen-when and if I ever chanced to find myself doing something out of the ordinary – which was very rare anyway.
I think, I know, I am at the beginning of an entirely new living experience, and slowly my confidence in my abilities to easily enjoy things spontaneously will grow – and the more it does – the more I will feel free to try new things,
And as if to further show me how true this is…just as I was writing this, my friend Ben asked if I would like to join him in two days. He is renting a motorbike and riding up for a full day trip to Mussoorie and the surrounding area between here and there. it will be from early in the morning until evening and something I have been dreaming of doing since last year when I took my first ever motorbike ride just for ½ day up in the mountains.
Another dream come true and despite all the things which seem to be involved in such a trip, I have no concerns whatsoever…just joy and excitement. Not even slightly thinking about what I will wear, what food I will take, water, first aid kit…just completely relaxed. I am sure the evening before I will simply know what I need and put it into my bag and off I will go the following morning with no problem.
Blessings, blessings and more blessings.