December 27, 2010-Understanding Loss
This will be a short post, in more of a personal nature, and if you are interested in the full story you will have to read it on my Mindfulness Journal Blog as it is certainly more appropriate there.
Every trip to India has a definite purpose in my life, but I am never aware of what the purpose of each journey is until sometime into my actual sojourn in India. There have been years when it has taken me months to understand the purpose and move forward with it but it generally doesn’t take that long. This time, it has taken just over one week!
This was the first time I ever found it hard to “go off” to India…my brain was telling me that it is a bad time to go, for many reasons…most of them family reasons – with so much going on with so many people at home, needing me, needing my presence, my support, why on earth was I going off on a selfish trip to India at this time? But my HEART was telling me “just go and stop think so much”. As I have become very good at listening to my inner wisdom, I packed up and headed off, with what could be called a “heavy heart”. And since arriving here I have been at loose ends…not really knowing why I am here right now instead of “there” (“where I SHOULD be”).
It is not that I have been miserable here, far from it, but certainly not the overwhelming feeling of contentment and well-being I usually feel. And it has made each day difficult for me…thinking I have made a mistake this time by coming.
I must admit that I also had expectations as to the purpose of this visit, something I try to avoid at all costs…and this had also put me in a position of “waiting” for what was “supposed” to happen. Always a bad thing.!
So, this morning, during a deep meditation and prayer session, the answers came flooding through to me, bringing me a deep sense of joy and relief, and I now sit out on my rooftop, with the wonderful winter sun warming me through and through, grateful, at peace and smiling for joy, knowing that I have made no mistake by coming here.
For the full story of what I understood, and where it will hopefully take me on this journey, you’ll have to check out this link: