The Shift Begins
Things are starting to shift. This always happens when I am in India. The shift is more on an energy level, in perceptions of time, space and self.
These shifts usually take over a month, sometimes longer, before they occur. But time has a way of utilizing itself to best advantage. The more time we have, the more time we waste. Time being short this trip, the shift has taken only 3 weeks.
Many things are very subtle. Pretty much unnoticed from the outside at first, but powerfully felt within. Almost like a volcanic eruption… sudden, surprising and overwhelming.
One of the physical ways it manifests with me, is that I “find my voice”.
I don’t sing in public out of respect for the sensitivity of others. 🙂 (well, I DO sing but only when lots of others are singing as well as during a “sing-a-long” or group chanting – and I sing softly so no one can actually hear me – except the unlucky person who happens to be sitting next to me)
And very often when I hum along with music in my own house-not even realizing I am doing it, if someone happens to hear me, they always ask me to stop. I even hum off key!!!
[I always have music playing, in one form or another – depending on my mood and my needs- I must have music in my life- to calm, to excite, to invigorate, to inspire, for romance, for fun, for dancing or just for its beauty.]
So, while here in India, at some point, I “find my voice’, and begin to sing outloud, to chant outloud. It is a release of secreted inner joy which doesn’t usually express itself, and it is awesome to feel when it occurs… and a huge and welcome shift for me.
Finding my “aloneness” again is also a great shift. Always being surrounded by others-not always physically but mentally and emotionally – can be exhausting and draining , even when they are dear loved ones – of which I am blessed with many- 6 children, their spouses and my 14 grandchildren. And then of course my dear loving partner and my friends.
The “space” to be completely alone with ME is a rare occurrence – times are few and far between- I make a great effort to at least begin my day with just ME – but very often even this sacred time is snatched from me for various reasons.
This space for me is a luxurious blessing, and I am at a place where I am now withdrawing from others around me here as well. Going within, alone, as much as possible.
I have slowed down my mornings, leaving later for my treatments, taking this special sacred time to do those things which are most important to my balance and well being – prayer, meditation, yoga, Reiki, sitting in the blessed warmth of the sun, watching the mountain change colors as the morning moves along, sitting quietly along the Ganga eating my breakfast…contemplating or doing nothing…this is a precious time for me. I always try to bring this home with me, but it is not something which I am able to always do. And I miss it dearly.
Morning time is sacred space just for me, and I have not been honouring that space. I tried adapting to the comfort zone of my friend-leaving earlier in the morning for treatments, walking faster than I like to, etc. And this is another part of the shift. I will now make my morning fully and solely devoted to my own needs.
My first resolution therefore, has been to at least do what I can from MY end to insure this sacred space. And that is NOT to touch the computer for any reason, before lunch time-and later if possible. This began yesterday, here in Rishikesh, and I will do my best to implement it once I get home as well. It will not be easy, but it is an essential part of keeping the morning space just for ME without the intrusion of others – even others who I invite in via the computer.
My friend also has a certain animosity towards the Ganga – the son of a friend drowned while swimming in the Ganga and she cannot forgive the river for taking him….but this has effected my joy in being near Ma Ganga when we are together. So I now breakfast alone (she has found a restaurant which DOESN’T have a view of the Ganga, not easy to do here in Rishikesh – and I am happy for her), and the sacred energies once again come through to me as I sit here.
I will now do my Ganga strolls alone as well to completely absorb the healing energies this Holy river so lovingly gives me.
And will enjoy my slower pace of living as well.
Namaste from Rishikesh