LIFE BEGINS AT THE END OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE
….and this is something which challenges me each and every time anew during my time in India.
Less than two weeks have gone by and I’ve already received my first insights and wonderful, blessed understandings of what I am truly capable of, with complete Freedom for Fear in all new aspects of my life.
This has been an interesting almost two weeks…the time it usually takes me to acclimate to my home here in Rishikesh, to settle down energy wise, to regain my balance and of course recuperate from flying, long taxi ride, unpacking, shopping etc., etc., etc. And this time the weather was unseasonably hot, much too hot for my comfort, and no AC anywhere. It was not an easy few first days, but ever since has gotten easier by the day, and brought me wonderful new lessons about myself and what I am capable of.
What has actually happened over the past few days, is the dispelling of age old myths about myself and my abilities, and exposing them for what they are: completely untrue (I am sickly, weak, lack energy, bad joints, poor feet which need special shoes, easily fatigued, weakened by the heat, etc ). In addition, I’ve finally gotten past a life long fear of the dark, especially being alone in the dark, which had been made even worse the past five years due to cataracts. The fear was so powerful, so overwhelming, that it was visceral – felt in my entire body, and simply paralyzed me. For years now, it has been difficult for me to see at night, and here in India, where there are no street lights in most places, making the dark total, I have not ventured out of my home area after around 4 in the afternoon, ever, being afraid of being caught out once the dark set in. It was extremely confining, and definitely frustrating and annoying.
I’ve come back to India after two successful cataract surgeries…I see better than I have my entire life (been wearing eyeglasses since the age of ten-which I no longer need), and decided, among other things, to check out the night fear.
So, over the past few days just about all of the above has been tested, and passed with flying colors. I am nothing like what I’ve been led to believe my whole life….I can do ANYTHING…anything I want to do, anything I choose to do, anything I need to do, even if it is difficult or demanding…and do it well and with nothing worse than a headache or tiredness at the end.
I went walking in the heat of the day, much further than I ever allowed myself in the past, wearing nothing but flip-flops (no special, expensive shoes or sandals for bad feet, knees, hips, back), did all this despite a headachy feeling in the morning (which would normally keep me home, resting the whole day), and had a marvelous day out. My headache actually went away DURING all this…
And then yesterday, decided to go out after 4, and just enjoy! Which I did. No fear, no problem with the dark, (flashlight on my phone was all I needed for the dark mountain roads) and a glorious feeling of being FREE AT LAST to do what I want, when I want!!
Now this all might simple boring and no big deal to most of you reading this, but believe me, these are things which I have given myself several huge medals for for outstanding achievement! I haven’t felt this pleased and proud of myself in a very long time, and look forward to whatever the rest of this journey holds in store for me!
with full Acceptance, Joy, Gratitude and FREEDOM FROM FEAR!
…and just for fun…this is a shot of the very limited view from my room, through the other guesthouses which block it, of the Ganga at night
with love light and JOY