SURRENDER AND ACCEPTANCE WITH GRATITUDE, LOVE AND JOY

STILL IN RETREAT MODE

Still in retreat mode, (not hermit, at least not yet), recharging my batteries, relaxing into each day as it comes, accepting all that is sent my way with love, joy and gratitude.  No “must do”, “should do”, “have to do”. Not planning, not expecting, not resisting – finding the quiet in each situation, removing myself from venues or people with loud or toxic energies.

MY FAVORITE RESTAURANT WAS CLOSED…FOUND THIS NEW ONE “BY CHANCE” AND WAS BLESSED WITH THIS WONDERFUL WITH MY MEAL. SURRENDER AND ACCEPTANCE WITH GRATITUDE, LOVE AND JOY

AND FEELING GREAT! Whatever the reason is for my lowered energy levels, it is a blessing.  Lovely, calming people have begun to find their way to me, probably feeling kindred energies of tranquility.  And the “alone time” is wonderful for body and soul.

DAWNING OF A NEW DAY

SURRENDER AND ACCEPTANCE WITH GRATITUDE, LOVE AND JOY

KIDS AT RAMANA’S ORPHANAGE WHERE YOU CAN GET SUPERB ORGANIC MEALS AT THEIR RESTAURANT AND ALL THE PROCEEDS GO TO THEKIDS

I AM TRULY BLESSED, LOVED AND REMAIN GRATEFUL FOR ALL

with love light and JOY

namaste

Jane

India Lesson 2012 FINALLY – Nov. 9, 2012

I figured it out actually while writing THIS post…so you will have to bear with me until it gets put down in words here…as it happened!

Butterfly on the way to the Clinic

Don’ know if this will ever get posted.  No internet for a few days which is definitely a blessing in disguise for sure.  I am still in my “healing crisis”-taking longer than I had planned on-or what the doctor refers to as: “strong reaction to panchakarma” .

So I am being forced to eat very lightly-my stomach wont’ tolerate much more yet, and resting. Don’t have energy for much else and it is very frustrating.  There is so much I need (or want) to do these last couple of weeks and being forced to stay up in and around my room is annoying and boring…especially without internet!!

Coming Down from my Room

I am now sitting at the lovely new Pundir restaurant where I ordered a fruit salad.  Just anything not to have to go right back to the room.  And to my great surprise, they just put in free WIFI! And luckily I have my new phone which I can actually use with WIFI- not much good for writing, but at least I can check emails and FB.  Which I just did…and what did I find there?

A message from Eckhart Tohl which was exactly what I needed to see as I sit here writing about how frustrating and annoying this forced rest is for me!

“Surrender is the simple but profound wisdom of yielding to, rather than opposing, the flow of life”.

This is THE lesson I was meant to learn here this year.  I must now find the way to put it into practice both here and when I get home.

I’ve been confronting the need to rest versus the need to “make the most” of my last 2 weeks here.  Frustrated that I can’t be out and about and not truly allowing myself to relax into resting. Even though I spend all day up at my room-“resting”.

If the rest is only physical, it is not rest at all.

I have a big lesson to put into practice when I get home and the practice begins now.

No matter how it effects all those loving and dear ones around me…what they expect of me-how they expect me to feel-or what may disappoint them regarding how I come back from India, is truly not my concern.

Only being “true to myself” is what needs to concern me at this time.

This of course includes the lesson of living in complete Faith and Freedom from Fear-knowing that all is as it should be, and is good.

Experiencing ALL in complete acceptance, joy and gratitude and of course, Freedom from Fear.

And now that I have figured it out….I already feel better! More at peace, enjoying this time alone, playing games, doing my needlepoint, reading, listening to music, even dancing some folkdancing in my room – and not thinking about what I “cannot” do, but about all the pleasures of what I CAN do.

And to really make my day…as I started heading back up to my room…I heard my name called from across the street….and when I looked…to my great joy and total surprise, it was Akhilesh!!

And who is Akhilesh you may ask?  Well, that is a story for another post…hopefully tomorrow…or of course whenever these begin to get posted.

Namaste from Rishikesh

Ambivalent Feelings- Hidden Blessings – Nov 5 2012

Ambivalent Feelings – Hidden Blessings

Sitting in the new Pundir Restaurant  I mentioned in one of my first posts this year. (Read more about this lovely shop and its lovely owners here: https://janesindiajournals.wordpress.com/2011/02/07/new-expanded-and-improved-pundir-general-store-in-tapovan/

New Restaurant at Pundir Shop

With a view of the Ganga through the trees, gentle morning sun warming me and a cool breeze keeping me comfortable.

I have ordered my toasted brown bread and hot milk and have brought with me from home my spice blend and some jaggary for the milk, and my lovely jam for the buttered toast.

This was actually taken yesterday morning up by my room-but you get the idea!

I am after a water enema, and a long nite of strange dreams. This is a yearly occurrence during the late stages of panchakarma – cleansing on deep levels.  I am quite tired however, and don’t feel like moving, but quite at peace. Sometimes this deep cleansing brings up difficult issues, crying, sadness, pain, anger etc., but this time it is bringing up just deep understandings of the need for new direction, new perspectives,  and new ways of seeing the next phase in my life.  This of course all requires change, and that of course is always difficult.  But the feelings are good ones, even a sense of excitement about what awaits me just around the corner. 

It is a time for complete acceptance, for surrender, with no expectations, in joy, gratitude and freedom from fear!

I am enjoying these last days of my treatments and looking forward to the last 10 days which will remain afterwards as “vacation” time before heading home.

Mixed feelings flood me at this time…wanting to be two places at the same time.

Embracing my last days of “aloneness” together with the joy of knowing I will soon be in the arms of my dear loving partner.

Ambivalence is probably the best word for the way I feel at the moment.

My time here is too short this trip, and yet I don’t believe I could have stayed away from my love for any longer!

Being limited by technical bureaucratic reasons in the amount of time I could stay in India this year (a mere 6 weeks compared to my usual 4-6 months) , something which initially was very difficult for me to accept, has turned out to be just one more blessing from above.

And I thank God and the Universe for once again, as always, taking care of me and my needs in the best possible way!

I am truly blessed

Leaves hanging over entrance to new restaurant, originally strung during puja ceremony before entering new home or business

Namaste from Rishikesh

Jane

February 26, 2011 – Further Blessings and Lessons from Being Ill – Panchakarma Days 24-26

February 26, 2011 – Further Blessings and Lessons from Being Ill –  Panchakarma Days 24-26

Rainy Day Rooftop

Waking up to a dreary, grey, rainy morning, with no electricity.  Today I should have been celebrating having finishedpanchakarma, but following the events of the last few days, I won’t be finished until tomorrow.  So, let’s go back and fill in the blanks as quickly as possible.

The last time I posted, it was about surrendering to my illness and accepting it joyfully and thankfully, relaxing into it…which I proceeded to do!  First thing I did was call Dr. Arora and tell him I would not be coming down to the clinic, and after a few questions, he realized I was truly sick – definitely not something to do with the panchakarma and its effects – and immediately agreed that I stay in bed, and he would send someone up with appropriate medicines for me!

I was really miserable by then, and the pain in my head and eyes was so intense I could hardly keep my eyes open…I don’t believe I have ever experienced this type of pain in this intense way, and there was nothing I could do to relieve it!  I felt like I had hot pokers rotating in various spots of my head, forehead and right eye area.  Really excruciating.  So I pretty much tried to sleep some more, but this was impossible, couldn’t read, but was able to play a few computer games, which I did.  The sun was out so after that I made myself a kind of lounge chair using two chairs and went outside to let the warmth of the sun help in some way.  It was nice sitting out there after being inside for a few days, but after a short time I felt overwhelmed by weakness and got back into bed.  I was feeling soooooooooo sorry for myself at this point!

And just then, my neighbor in the next room, knocked on my door and said Dr. Arora sent medicine with her.  Seems she had gone down for a consultation and he asked her to bring the meds up to me, instead of my waiting another couple of hours until his girls finished work.  (I felt better also knowing that neither of them would have to make a special trip up here…they work so hard as it is!).  So, this was also part of the “plan”, and I called him, thanked him, and got directions for using them.

There were some little round brown pills and some other stuff which looked like brown sludge…(turns out the taste was so vile, it could literally have BEEN sludge!!).  He didn’t tell me what each was for, just told me how to take them, one with warm water, the other with warm milk, and I immediately did that.  Well, less than half an hour later, my pain had receded to almost nothing!!  That was the first sign that something was working.  I was then able to relax into reading, which made the time go by much faster (especially with the weird but very well written book I was reading – “Kafka on the Shore”).  Shortly after that, I had to blow my nose (not because it was dripping clear fluid like a faucet as it had been for the past days, but because it really needed to be blown…and you cannot imagine what began to come out!  The less I describe it the better, but needless to say, my sinuses began clearing themselves out…and to my surprised, and grateful relief, I was able to breath through my nose again for the first time in 3 days!!

I was still very weak, but had soup to eat which I had prepared the evening before, which lasted until supper as well, and not having much of an appetite, it was enough.

I went to sleep that night, slept soundly, with no pain, no stuffiness, etc, and woke up feeling much better.  At least my eyes were fully open, and I could breathe, and was almost completely painfree.

I was still weak, but DID go down for a treatment.  The doctor agreed that just a massage would be enough, anything else would be too much, and to go back and rest for the remainder of the day, which I happily did.  The sun was still out so enjoyed sitting outdoors, after a nap for a couple of hours.  By this time, I had no more pain, my sinuses were almost completely cleared and the weakness was residing. I even changed my sheets, brought in laundry and took a shower, feeling even better after everything was clean and fresh!

Yesterday, I woke up feeling like a new person completely,  no longer really weak and no signs of sinus problems at all.  My nose, even today, is still running a little, but nothing to really be concerned about.

I had my regular massage and navi basti (hot oil on the navel area) and went happily home for a pleasant day.  Thinking that today I would be down for my final massage and shirodhara and tomorrow massage and steam and cleaning of ear, eyes and nose, and finished.

But woke up to a raining dreary day as mentioned, and now, several hours later, it is still raining, and there is no way I am taking of chance and going out walking in the rain and chill.

I haven’t called the doc yet to tell him, but there is some mysterious plan in work here which seems to be making it ever more difficult to complete this panchakarma. (I just now called the clinic and before I even asked, the Doctor said:” God has other plans for you…today, just stay home and rest – don’t come out in rain – for some reason He doesn’t want you to finish panchakarma as planned” – sit here now laughing since just ½ hour ago I had come to the same conclusion myself).

Anyway, today will be an interesting day, even if dreary and nasty.  Several of the people I have been helping over the internet, who found me via my blog, are all arriving today!  The guy whose wife mentioned my on a TV interview in the states, and some yoga teachers from Israel…all also planning to begin panchakarma with dr. arora, and all staying, at my recommendation, at Seema’s guesthouse.

So after a couple of months of emailing, I will finally meet them.  Also, a friend, actually owner of Kailwood Guesthouse in Mcleodganj, Dharamsala where I stay when in Mcleodganj over the years, is also in Rishikesh and planning to come visit today. So should be a fun day anyway.

For me, the whole thing was a blessing…because if I had not gotten sick now, I would never have discovered these wonderful herbal remedies and understood the rational of ayurveda towards this type of illness and the treatment of it.(see below)  So I am not complaining and once again, grateful for this as well.

Below, some further information about the herbal medicines I received and the treating of colds according to Ayurvedic medicine for those who are interested. Also, the doctor’s understanding as to why I became this ill while doing panchakarma.  For those of you who are not, I will say “namaste” and look forward to posting next time with photos of beautiful weather and new scenes from Rishikesh!!

HERBAL MEDICINES FOR TREATMENT OF COLDS, FEVER, FLU, PAIN AND SINUS INFECTIONS AS WELL AS AYURVEDIC APPROACH TO THESE ILLNESSES:

Sangeevani Vati:  these are little round brown pills which are used to treat pain, cold, fever and flu – much like cold formula tablets and antihistamines would be used – and like cold formula tablets, it treats the cold, pain and fever all in one pill. It can be taken every 4 hours, with warm water, , but not to exceed the recommended dosage and not to be used for more than 3 days in a row.

Chitrak Haritaki: This is the brown sludge I mentioned (the doc calls it a paste), with the most vile taste you can imagine (you could never get a child to take this –only an adult with lots of will power), This is the anti-mucous medicine – it is meant to coagulate (for lack of a better word) all the mucous in the upper respiratory area (not lungs) into a form which can be easily expectorated or blown out.  And believe me, it works like magic!  I’ve never seen anything like this and will be taking some home just in case.

The Doctor claims that if you take this for week as preventative medicine, you will not suffer from cold symptoms for up to 2 years.  Problem is, very few people are willing to take this voluntarily if they don’t absolutely have to!  Well, I have decided to continue it for a full week now, just once a day, not twice, since I am already doing it, and see what the results are over the next couple of years!!

AYURVDIC APPROACH TO COLDS

According to ayurveda, a cold should not last longer than 3 days (as opposed to the western view that a cold will cure itself in a week, or at most 7 days!).   This is assuming you are treating it properly.  If not, it should not last longer than 5 days.  Treating it properly means understanding the characteristics of the different doshas, which I won’t go into here.  However, mucous is a sign of Kapha imbalance, kapha being the water or fluid dosha.  And since this is the cause of the cold, (and assuming it is properly treated should not reach the point of sinus involvement), the things to avoid are sweets (and I had been eating a lot of dates the first few days because I had nothing else to snack on and basically they are good for you, but a definite NO-NO in this case), no yogurt, no banana, and very little fluids! (quite different than the western view of taking lots of fluids). Your body is already having trouble with too much “water” so why overload it further. As far as sweets – honey and jaggery (organic cane sugar but not like in the west) are OK however, since they are warming and this is important for Kapha.  Assuming you follow these simple restrictions, and then take the sajeevani and chitrak (in case the sinuses have gotten involved), you should be fine in 3 days.  I can see that if I had begun this treatment from the beginning, it definitely would have taken only 3 days and would never have reached my sinuses in the way it did!

If you have a fever in addition, then you are also having Pitta, the fire dosha, involved, and in THAT case, you SHOULD drink lots of fluids to help “put out” the fire.  It is all so simple and makes so much sense once you understand it.

REASON FOR MY ILLNESS

Doctor Arora explained that during the last week of panchakarma, the body is very sensitive to everything, having gone through an extremely intensive cleansing period and needing lots of rest and taking care of yourself.  And that a very small thing (holding thumb and index finger very close together), becomes very BIG thing (moving arms apart as far as possible with palms facing each other to indicate VERY BIG). Meaning, if this had happened at any other time, I probably would have had the sniffles for a few days and that’s it.  During that last week, if you remember I wrote about doing Reiki for one of the guys here who was sick, and also helping someone with their computer problems, spending hours on this.  And right after that, I became sick.  You could say I caught the illness from these people (the lady with computer issue got sick 2 days before I did), but the Doctor simply states that it is a lesson for me from the gods to always remember that during panchakarma, I should concentrate all my energies just on myself!!  Something which I did not really do this time for many other reasons as well.

 

 

 

 

February 23, 2011 – Lesson of Surrender and Release and the Feeling of Wellbeing it Brings

February 23, 2011 – Lesson of Surrender and Release and the Feeling of Wellbeing it Brings

I had been hoping that my head cold of the past few days was, just as the doctor had said, a cleansing effect of the panchakarma, and would be over in 48 hours.  But deep down inside I knew this was wishful thinking.  I know myself and my body very well, and know when a full blown cold thing is happening to me.  Aside from the pain from sinus congestion and the constantly running nose, the thing which is most difficult for me is the weakness and loss of appetite (meaning I will loose weight which for me is not good). I feel like I can sleep all day, and at my most energetic, read a little or play a computer game or two.

The idea is to accept this as a positive thing, rather than fight it.  I know this to be true, but always find myself, at least for the first couple of days, being annoyed, angry (with who?-myself, God??), worried about what will happen if this continues for too long, etc.

I KNOW that the cleansing effect of these symptoms is a positive thing, but somehow don’t like the inconvenience of it.

And the same thing happened again here.  At first I ignored the whole thing, until the head pain and weakness got so bad that I could no longer pretend nothing was wrong.

Then of course I do everything I can think of to fight the symptoms and reduce them to a minimum.  Neti pot a couple of times a day, onion and honey, hot ginger, lemon, honey to drink,  extra doses of Tulsi and Vitamin C, tumeric powder, maduvhanni (Ayurvedic herbal cold and cough tonic-fabulous!),  breathing in steam, reflexology to the sinus points and then local sinus massage – in short and of course Reiki – the works.

Until yesterday, I was doing everything I needed to do but was still concerned about how this would effect my panchakarma and that it was inconvenient for the people involved.  Yesterday, even though I was literally awake the whole night blowing my nose,  I  dragged myself down to the clinic, but felt so bad by the time I got there, the doctor agreed no massage, no enema and go straight home to rest “for sure you will be fine by tomorrow”.

On the way back I bought some veggies to make me some soup which was a good idea, and honey to prepare the onion and honey mixture, and literally barely made it back up to my room where I collapsed weakly into bed and there spent the rest of the day, sleeping, or just laying there, feeling sorry for myself. (but of course looking forward to feeling better by the next day)

I took some cold formula before going to sleep just to stop my nose from running and reduce the pain a little (I hate taking these meds, but really needed to sleep), and actually did sleep most of the night, if not quietly, but at least sufficiently.  Woke up this morning with every intention of going to the clinic, but by the time I had “fixed” my hair, and put on my face cream, had a glass of hot ginger, I once again collapsed into bed, totally exhausted!

It was then that I realized that I was fighting, where I should be accepting.  The moment that I decided to surrender the whole business to the powers that be, and release all expectations about what I SHOULD be doing and how I SHOULD be feeling, I immediately felt a sense of relief!  Calm, tranquil acceptance and wellbeing.

I called the doctor on the phone, explained that I was really sick and too weak to come, and he understood immediately. Told me not to worry about the rest of the panchakarma…it would all work out, and that he was sending someone up to my room with some herbal medicine which will give me some relief as well as my kicheri!!

So now I am happily back in bed, with the hot water bottle to keep me warm (yesterday I tried sitting out in the sun and almost not making it back into bed when being overcome with weakness), I have a couple of good books to read, music to listen to, I have plenty of dates and almonds to snack on even though I don’t feel like eating, I have soup already cooked from yesterday, can order something from room service if I DO get hungry, kicheri on the way, and soon the latest episode of House will be downloaded and ready to watch! Plenty of games to play if I get bored, a comfortable bed with enough blankets to keep me warm, pillows to lean on…what more do I need?

I am thankful that I am not very ill, have no fever, no signs of flu (like body pain) and know it is something which will pass in its own time, when it has done whatever cleansing needs to be done, however long that may take.

And the weakness is returning after a few “good” minutes, so I will end this and post it later when some energy returns. Just ordered a porridge for breakfast and life is good!

Namaste

Jane