FINDING THE QUIET PLACE OCT 9-14 2015 #9

October 17, 2015

FINDING THE QUIET PLACE OCT 9-14 2015 #9

EVERYONE has a smartphone/camera

EVERYONE has a smartphone/camera

I’ve been here a little over two weeks now, and as always, it has taken me this amount of time to find my balance. The past two weeks have been filled with great joys, but also some doubts about myself and my capabilities again…and falling back into that place is always a wake up call for me. Falling back into patterns of self-sabotaging behavior is something we all do, but I am blessed to be able to recognize it for what it is and nip it in the bud.

DIVINE LIGHT

DIVINE LIGHT

I have put everything into perspective, including the complete non-desire to write, and realized, as always, that this is the amount of time I always need to adjust to change, of any kind. Even good change in a place I am completely familiar with.
And now that I have understood once again, that I am as good as, or even better than I have been on past sojourns here…life begins to settle in and I find myself completely at peace with myself.

RAM JHULA EVENING

RAM JHULA EVENING

However, I am still having some difficulty finding the QUIET PLACE this time, mainly due to all that is so disturbingly happening at home. I am finding ways to deal with that as well.
I have been blessed to have met a lovely new friend, (more to come), and to have already begun working. I am enjoying cooking for myself when I feel like it, but mainly enjoying the pleasures of having someone else prepare food for me, even if it is just steamed veggies or fabulous fruit salads.

RAM JHULA GHAT ON A QUIET EVENING

And of course, I am doing Reiki, meditation, pranayama and yoga EVERY day.
I will be posting further photos and stories as the days go by. Yesterday and today and am privileged to be an invited guest at the Mehandi (henna) and then marriage celebrations of the son of good friends, and will be writing about this as well.
Namaste
Jane


Letting Go-Insights From My Last Sojourn

June 18, 2014

This was originally posted on my Not in India Blog , but I have come to realize that these insights are the result of a process which began during my last sojourn in India. Each visit to India brings me the opportunity for deep personal growth and wisdom,and I usually understand the purpose of each visit while I am still there. This time, this did not happen, but rather a very deep journey inward was initiated by certain events which occurred while there, and it is only now, six months later, that I am seeing the results, that the work has begun to bear fruit. It is a blessed feeling which I am most grateful for.

Let Go and Let God

To Let Go isn’t to forget, not think about, or ignore. It doesn’t leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret.

Letting Go isn’t winning and it isn’t losing. It’s not about pride and it’s not about how you appear and it’s not about obsessing or dwelling on the past.

Letting Go isn’t blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts and it doesn’t leave emptiness, hurt, or sadness. It’s not giving in or giving up.

Letting Go isn’t about loss and it’s not defeat. To Let Go is to cherish memories, but at the same time to overcome and to move on. It is having an open mind and confidence in the future.

Letting Go is accepting. Letting Go is learning and experiencing and growing.

To Let Go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow. It’s about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will soon gain.

Letting Go is having the courage to accept change and the strength to keep moving.

Letting Go is growing up. it is realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy.

To Let Go is to open a door and to clear a path and to set yourself free.▼

LETTING GO
Release anger,
Release fear,
Release Worry
Embrace love
Embrace faith
Embrace calm acceptance.

The river will take you swiftly along at certain points
And allow you periods of motionless calm
But the current will always be there to move your boat along
You may see places you would like to stop at
But the choice is not always yours
Release into the flow of the river
And calmly and joyfully accept whatever direction it takes you.

with much love light and JOY

Jane


The Journey Home-Beginning the Final Countdown- Dec 15 2013

December 15, 2013

“…your outer life soon reflects your inner peacefulness…”

THE JOURNEY HOME

THE JOURNEY HOME

Every sojourn in India has its own personality. Its own distinct way of effecting my life. And always seems to address the most pressing issues of the moment in the most direct and efficient way. With messages, AHA moments during meditations, insights, even books “sent my way”., has

And of course this journey is no different.

I’ve come as close to a silent, solitary retreat as I feel comfortable with but its impact has been powerful as well as empowering.

I have done little blog posting, have had little interaction with others here (almost 100% less than on a usual sojourn), find the company of others extremely intrusive, have done no Reiki workshops or sessions, and despite the varied and ease of communication these days, have had little contact with friends and loves ones as well. Posting photos easily and on several different networks, has been my biggest form of communication this trip, and that requires very little true interaction. It is definitely a silent form of communication, very rarely requiring words.

But I have been talking to me, to God, to my guides, to the Angels, to the Universe incessantly and many profoundly deep insights about “how” I have been up until now in my life have surfaced. The myths I had been programmed to believe, and DID believe about myself, my perceptions about my abilities and limitations and my interpretations of these ideas…they all seem to finally be collapsing and opening the way for new, better and healthier ways of moving forward in my life.

I have been guided to question, and then understand so much of my previous self-sabotaging behavior and habits-things I accepted totally as “who I am”, without question. This process began slowly before I even left for India, but would have taken much longer to reach the stage it has (if at all) if I had not had these past two months to myself.

The insights are deep, end intimidating. I continue to pray daily for Freedom from Fear and complete Faith as I move forward, determined to make essential changes on both the conscious and subsonscious levels (easier said than done…our subconscious programming from childhood runs so deep). And I pray as well that my sincere intentions, efforts and focus will bring about much needed change in several critical areas of my life.

As I wind down my time here and get ready to joyfully return to my “other” reality, I am determined to succeedin having things “work” differently, and better, than ever before in my life.

….notes from the card chosen in preparation for my return home:

SHANTI:….through breath and intention you can stay centered no matter what’s happening in your life. This inner foundation of peace has a powerful healing effect. Your outer life soon reflects your inner peacefulness…

Namaste

with love light and JOY


EQUILIBRIUM-NOV 22 2013

November 22, 2013

EQUILIBRIUM-NOV 22 2013
IMG_96483120808019

Well, it’s taken longer then usual but I’ve finally gotten back to that place of balance, tranquility and wellbeing I so long for and find difficult to “be” in so often in my hectic life.
Admittedly, three weeks here were taken up with “being with” others-and as pleasnt as that “being with” was, it still not the same as “being” just with ME!
The tricky part is staying in that place of equilibrium while with others and living the hectic pace of daily life. I manage to keep that balance for a fairly decent period of time upon returning to reality, but eventually I drift out of the balance place and that is where the retreat mode becomes so important to me, to my life andthelives of all those around me.
The deeper, longer and more complete the retreat is, the longer its effects last.
I do not generally need a hermit like silent retreat off in a cave somewhere completely shut off from human contact, although at times silence is something I crave. I enjoy the warmth and interaction of fellow beings, the contact with family and friends at home, the meeting new people here. But this can become a trap, keeping me from truly taking full advantage of my time away.
At some point, I feel I will be guided to a full week of isolation and silence. I will see where this feeling takes me and accept the direction I am given completely, with joy, gratitude, Faith and freedom from fear.
And until, and if, that happens, I will continue to enjoy my time with you as well.
Namaste
with love ligh and JOY
Jane


No way, Impossible, Absolutely Cannot Be-Nov 19 2012

November 20, 2012

No way, Impossible, Absolutely Cannot Be-Nov 19 2012

I am packing to go home (and crying) and just before packing them, I decided, just for fun, to open the cards again!!

I am most definitely in SHOCK.

Pulled, for the FOURTH time in a row, the same card: QUIET TIME

Nothing more to say or write.  I have posts and photos which I have not been doing, I have been without internet in my room for about 10 days, and am perfectly content.  But this is part of my forced quiet time.  I will eventually get everything “out there”….

But there is no question that it is not meant to be for at least the near future if I am really meant to enforce this QUIET TIME to rest, meditate and contemplate.

It has been an amazing journey for me….as always, teaching me, guiding me, confronting me with things I perhaps don’t always want to see, but never letting me go home without giving me what it is I need to take back with me.

I am truly blessed and loved.

Namaste from Rishikesh

Jane


Freedom to Vacation- Redecorating, Movie Shoot and Other Adventures – Nov 12 2012

November 15, 2012

Freedom to Vacation- Redecorating, Movie Shoot and Other Adventures –  Nov 12 2012

Today is the first day I am beginning my day with no thought of panchakarma.  I officially finished yesterday after deciding the the doctor to cut it short by 3 days and begin my recuperation period before heading home.

APPLE CRUMBLE

I still have 3 “fun massages” coming to me later on, just before I go home which I can still take advantage of  if I choose to.

The sense of freedom , of having no responsibilities, of there being nothing I “have” to do (even though everything I was doing was for my own benefit), makes me feel almost giddy with joy.

I now sit at the Pundir restaurant, the weather much cooler than even last week, although the sun is still  beautifully warm.  I am waiting for my paneer parantha. Yesterday I ate pasta – TWICE- and am already feeling my strength come back.  Although fruits and veggies and of course kitcheri are the healthiest foods for me – my comfort food-my soul food- is carbohydrates.  Breads, pasta, anything doughy.  And as Dr. Arora always reminds me – this is not cheating – cravings come from a soul level and if the soul is denied what it needs – the body will never be completely healthy.  So now I will be taking good care of my soul until the cravings end – probably around 3-4 days from previous experience. (today is actually the 15th-and I no longer crave these things!)

Not quite as energized as I imagined but just feeling wonderful being out.  Had this dream of “redecorating” using colored pillows and a throw on my sofa.  And today finally was able to these things.  Took me ages to choose with so many to choose from but think I will be happy when I get it all home.

DIFFICULT CHOICES-HUNDREDS TO CHOOSE FROM

PILLOW SHOP

MY PURCHASE-CAN’T WAIT TO SEE IT AT HOME ON MY SOFA

 

But I am not a good shopper and am now exhausted.  Not ready to eat yet so sitting on a bench just next to Laxman Jhula bridge watching the sights of local tourist groups going by with their guides. Will relax here for awhile.  Lovely breeze coming up off the Ganga- Most refreshing!

TOURISTS LISTENING TO GUIDE’S EXPLANATIONS

Went up for a snack and had lovely apple crumble, (shown above) but was really tired.  Rested for a long time and finally made it up to my place.  Not before watching a film or TV series being filmed on the street.

FILM CREW

DIRECTOR COMING OVER TO GIVE DIRECTIONS TO ACTOR

DIRECTOR AND ACTOR

PRACTICING SCENE

GETTING READY TO SHOOT

“LIGHTS!”

ACTION

Home at last, tired but happy.

Namaste from Rishikesh


India Lesson 2012 FINALLY – Nov. 9, 2012

November 10, 2012

India Lesson 2012  FINALLY – Nov. 9, 2012

I figured it out actually while writing THIS post…so you will have to bear with me until it gets put down in words here…as it happened!

Butterfly on the way to the Clinic

Don’ know if this will ever get posted.  No internet for a few days which is definitely a blessing in disguise for sure.  I am still in my “healing crisis”-taking longer than I had planned on-or what the doctor refers to as: “strong reaction to panchakarma” .

So I am being forced to eat very lightly-my stomach wont’ tolerate much more yet, and resting. Don’t have energy for much else and it is very frustrating.  There is so much I need (or want) to do these last couple of weeks and being forced to stay up in and around my room is annoying and boring…especially without internet!!

Coming Down from my Room

I am now sitting at the lovely new Pundir restaurant where I ordered a fruit salad.  Just anything not to have to go right back to the room.  And to my great surprise, they just put in free WIFI! And luckily I have my new phone which I can actually use with WIFI- not much good for writing, but at least I can check emails and FB.  Which I just did…and what did I find there?

A message from Eckhart Tohl which was exactly what I needed to see as I sit here writing about how frustrating and annoying this forced rest is for me!

“Surrender is the simple but profound wisdom of yielding to, rather than opposing, the flow of life”.

This is THE lesson I was meant to learn here this year.  I must now find the way to put it into practice both here and when I get home.

I’ve been confronting the need to rest versus the need to “make the most” of my last 2 weeks here.  Frustrated that I can’t be out and about and not truly allowing myself to relax into resting. Even though I spend all day up at my room-“resting”.

If the rest is only physical, it is not rest at all.

I have a big lesson to put into practice when I get home and the practice begins now.

No matter how it effects all those loving and dear ones around me…what they expect of me-how they expect me to feel-or what may disappoint them regarding how I come back from India, is truly not my concern.

Only being “true to myself” is what needs to concern me at this time.

This of course includes the lesson of living in complete Faith and Freedom from Fear-knowing that all is as it should be, and is good.

Experiencing ALL in complete acceptance, joy and gratitude and of course, Freedom from Fear.

And now that I have figured it out….I already feel better! More at peace, enjoying this time alone, playing games, doing my needlepoint, reading, listening to music, even dancing some folkdancing in my room – and not thinking about what I “cannot” do, but about all the pleasures of what I CAN do.

And to really make my day…as I started heading back up to my room…I heard my name called from across the street….and when I looked…to my great joy and total surprise, it was Akhilesh!!

And who is Akhilesh you may ask?  Well, that is a story for another post…hopefully tomorrow…or of course whenever these begin to get posted.

Namaste from Rishikesh


Ambivalent Feelings- Hidden Blessings – Nov 5 2012

November 5, 2012

Ambivalent Feelings – Hidden Blessings

Sitting in the new Pundir Restaurant  I mentioned in one of my first posts this year. (Read more about this lovely shop and its lovely owners here: https://janesindiajournals.wordpress.com/2011/02/07/new-expanded-and-improved-pundir-general-store-in-tapovan/

New Restaurant at Pundir Shop

With a view of the Ganga through the trees, gentle morning sun warming me and a cool breeze keeping me comfortable.

I have ordered my toasted brown bread and hot milk and have brought with me from home my spice blend and some jaggary for the milk, and my lovely jam for the buttered toast.

This was actually taken yesterday morning up by my room-but you get the idea!

I am after a water enema, and a long nite of strange dreams. This is a yearly occurrence during the late stages of panchakarma – cleansing on deep levels.  I am quite tired however, and don’t feel like moving, but quite at peace. Sometimes this deep cleansing brings up difficult issues, crying, sadness, pain, anger etc., but this time it is bringing up just deep understandings of the need for new direction, new perspectives,  and new ways of seeing the next phase in my life.  This of course all requires change, and that of course is always difficult.  But the feelings are good ones, even a sense of excitement about what awaits me just around the corner. 

It is a time for complete acceptance, for surrender, with no expectations, in joy, gratitude and freedom from fear!

I am enjoying these last days of my treatments and looking forward to the last 10 days which will remain afterwards as “vacation” time before heading home.

Mixed feelings flood me at this time…wanting to be two places at the same time.

Embracing my last days of “aloneness” together with the joy of knowing I will soon be in the arms of my dear loving partner.

Ambivalence is probably the best word for the way I feel at the moment.

My time here is too short this trip, and yet I don’t believe I could have stayed away from my love for any longer!

Being limited by technical bureaucratic reasons in the amount of time I could stay in India this year (a mere 6 weeks compared to my usual 4-6 months) , something which initially was very difficult for me to accept, has turned out to be just one more blessing from above.

And I thank God and the Universe for once again, as always, taking care of me and my needs in the best possible way!

I am truly blessed

Leaves hanging over entrance to new restaurant, originally strung during puja ceremony before entering new home or business

Namaste from Rishikesh

Jane


The Shift Begins-Three Weeks in Rishikesh – Oct. 31 2012 –

November 1, 2012

 The Shift Begins

Things are starting to shift.  This always happens when I am in India.  The shift is more on an energy level, in perceptions of time, space and self.

Enjoying the blessed energies along the Ganga

These shifts usually take over a month, sometimes longer, before they occur.  But time has a way of utilizing itself to best advantage.  The more time we have, the more time we waste. Time being short this trip, the shift has taken only 3 weeks.

Many things are very subtle. Pretty much unnoticed from the outside at first, but powerfully felt within.  Almost like a volcanic eruption… sudden, surprising  and overwhelming.

One of the physical ways it manifests with me, is that I “find my voice”.

I don’t sing in public out of respect for the sensitivity of others.  🙂  (well, I DO sing but only when lots of others are singing as well as during a “sing-a-long” or group chanting – and I sing softly so no one can actually hear me – except the unlucky person who happens to be sitting next to me)

And very often when I hum along with music in my own house-not even realizing I am doing it, if someone happens to hear me, they always ask me to stop.  I even hum off key!!!

[I always have music playing, in one form or another – depending on my mood and my needs- I must have music in my life- to calm, to excite, to invigorate, to inspire, for romance, for fun, for dancing or just for its beauty.]

So, while here in India, at some point, I “find my voice’, and begin to sing outloud, to chant outloud.  It is a release of secreted inner joy which doesn’t usually express itself, and it is awesome to feel when it occurs… and a huge  and welcome shift for me.

Finding  my “aloneness” again is also a great shift.  Always being surrounded by others-not always physically but mentally and emotionally – can be exhausting and draining , even when they are dear loved ones – of which I am blessed with many- 6 children, their spouses and my 14 grandchildren.  And then of course my dear loving partner and my friends.

The “space” to be completely alone with ME is a rare occurrence – times are few and far between- I make a great effort to at least begin my day with just ME – but very often even this sacred time is snatched from me for various reasons.

This space  for me is a luxurious blessing, and I am at a place where I am now withdrawing from others around me here as well. Going within, alone, as much as possible.

I have slowed down my mornings, leaving later for my treatments, taking this special sacred time to do those things which are most important to my balance and well being – prayer, meditation, yoga, Reiki, sitting in the blessed warmth of the sun, watching the mountain change colors as the morning moves along, sitting quietly along the Ganga eating my breakfast…contemplating or doing nothing…this is a precious time for me.  I always try to bring this home with me, but it is not something which I am able to always do.  And I miss it dearly.

Morning time is sacred space just for me, and I have not been honouring that space.  I tried adapting to the comfort zone of my friend-leaving earlier in the morning for treatments, walking faster than I like to, etc.  And this is another part of the shift.  I will now make my morning fully and solely devoted to my own needs.

My first resolution therefore, has been to at least do what I can from MY end to insure this sacred space.  And that is NOT to touch the computer for any reason, before lunch time-and later if possible.  This began yesterday, here in Rishikesh, and I will do my best to implement it once I get home as well.  It will not be easy, but it is an essential part of keeping the morning space just for ME without the intrusion of others – even others who I invite in via the computer.

My friend also has a certain animosity towards the Ganga – the son of a friend drowned while swimming in the Ganga and she cannot forgive the river for taking him….but this has effected my joy in being near Ma Ganga when we are together.  So I now breakfast alone (she has found a restaurant which  DOESN’T have  a view of the Ganga, not easy to do here in Rishikesh – and I am happy for her),  and the sacred energies once again come through to me as I sit here.

I will now do my Ganga strolls alone as well to completely absorb the healing energies this Holy river so lovingly gives me.

And will enjoy my slower pace of living as well.

Namaste from Rishikesh


Butterflies and Freedom

September 24, 2012

Butterflies have always represented freedom to me. I have a butterfly tattoo (not small to be truthful) on my shoulder which many of the “normal” people in my life are not happy with, but again, it was a statement for me many years ago when I still felt the need to make such statements! 🙂

Last year, just before returning home from India, I came across this lovely creature on the road just outside my guesthouse, and once again, it shouted loud and clear.. FREEDOM. It sat still for a very long time allowing me to admire it and photograph it, as if saying “I am here especially for you and will stay as long as you need me to”.

It was of course a reminder that freedom is something we choose for ourselves – something we can have, and deserve, no matter where we are, and no matter what our situation is in life. It was reminding me that once I get home, I can easily choose to remain “free”, even once I return to the responsibilities and obligations of my reality when not in India. Freedom does not mean disregarding our obligations and responsibilities…it means choosing to be true to ourselves and our own needs and finding the best way to fulfill those obligations and responsibilities to others without negating ourselves in the process.

And of course the message is always timely.

I am now just two weeks before my flight back to India and it has been a long and hectic year plus since I left last time . Many things have found their way into my reality-many good and wonderful things – but also many stressful and energy draining things. I have not been all that good in keeping my balance…in watching out for myself…in being true to myself…and I have paid a high price in dis-ease. I have learned many lessons over this past year, have grown in many wonderful ways, but still needed a reminder of how important this FREEDOM is in my life.

Today, while scrolling through random posts on my India Journal blog, I came across the one describing my meeting with the butterfly above, and of course, the message was rekindled for me.

I know that I am on my way to India, albeit for a short 6 week sojourn, and I know that I must choose to make each minute joyful and stress-less. I am grateful for this blessing and know I will return both cleansed and rejuvenated, on all levels…but that I must also remember to cherish the blessing of FREEDOM to always choose to do what is best for myself, because without it, I will fall back into the same dis-balance and dis-ease which so plagued me over this past year.

I have been given a blessed message, once again…and pray for the wisdom to follow through with the insights it has given me – both in India, and when I return home. Even before this message, I had already made the decision to “vacation” completely while in India…see the post “To Cook or Not to Cook-That is the Question” …a decision based on a deep soul understanding of what is right for me. I must always remember to hear what it is that my soul requires, for that is the only true source of direction and guidance for my Higher Good. The mind tries to control, the ego to exert its power, to tell us what we “want” and the soul speaks softly and gently-telling us what it “needs”. Listening and understanding come in the quiet times – and these were sorely missing in my life this past year.

I find myself in a place of tranquility this past week, which I have not felt in a very long time, feeling “lighter” than I have for ages, and look forward to more of the same – based of course on my own choices – both in India and upon my return home.

The butterfly has reminded me once again that Freedom, and Freedom of Choice, are in my hands, and my hands alone.

with love light and JOY

Jane


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